I've always loved a good saying. The funny ones, the encouraging ones, and especially the ones that make you stop for a minute and think, "Well, isn't that the truth!"
I have a particular fondness for sayings with a little attitude. Something that makes me laugh, gives me a different perspective, or reminds me of something I already know but occasionally forget.
So when I started working on our newest Big Raven Yoga collection, Words to Move By, I had a wonderful time choosing the sayings and creating the artwork to go with them. There are eight mats in the collection, each with words that I hope will make you smile, encourage you, or give you something to think about.
And while I was working on the designs, I kept coming back to something I've noticed during my more than fifteen years of teaching yoga.
People apologize to me. A lot.
They apologize because they can't touch their toes, because they lose their balance, because their bodies don't bend the way they used to, or because they need to take a break. Sometimes someone will walk into class and announce, before we've even started, that she's probably going to be terrible at yoga.
I always want to tell her that she's in the right place, because if she already knew how to do everything, she probably wouldn't need the class!
Nobody walks into a cooking class and apologizes because they aren't a chef. Nobody signs up for a painting workshop and feels obligated to explain that their work won't be hanging in a museum. Well, actually, now that I think about it, people do that in art classes, too.
Why do we feel the need to explain what we're NOT good at before we even give ourselves a chance?
We can be so encouraging to other people and incredibly hard on ourselves. Maybe that's one of the reasons I love a good saying. Sometimes a few words can make us laugh at ourselves or look at something differently, and I think we could all use a little more of that.
When Did We Become Afraid of Being Beginners?
When we're children, we try things all the time without knowing what we're doing. We fall off bicycles, color outside the lines, wear ridiculous combinations of clothing, and sing at the top of our lungs without giving much thought to whether anyone is impressed.
Then we grow up, become more self-conscious, and start worrying about how we look, whether we're doing something correctly, and what other people might think.
I've been guilty of it myself. I love making things, and I'm usually working on several creative projects at once. I can have a wonderful idea in my head, sit down to make it, and get frustrated when the finished project doesn't look anything like what I imagined.
Never mind that I might be trying a technique I've never used before. Apparently, I expect myself to be excellent at it immediately.
And I see the same thing happen in yoga classes.
People will work so hard to get into a pose that they forget to pay attention to how it feels. They'll strain to reach their toes when bending their knees would make the pose more comfortable. They'll look around the room to see what everyone else is doing and try to make their bodies do the same thing.
Then they're disappointed when they can't.
But yoga isn't a competition, and it certainly isn't a performance. There's no prize for having the straightest legs or the most impressive downward-facing dog. Nobody is keeping score. At least, I hope not, because if they are, nobody told me.
What I wish more people understood is that struggling with a pose doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. Sometimes it means you're learning, and sometimes your body simply has other ideas that day.
Someone who hasn't practiced in several years comes back to class and immediately starts comparing herself to the person she used to be. Someone who's new to yoga decides she's not flexible enough, even though improving flexibility may be one of the reasons she came. Another student loses her balance and announces that she's terrible at balancing.
Meanwhile, I'm standing there thinking that they're all doing exactly what they came to do. They're practicing.
Our bodies change, and they don't necessarily ask our permission first. Some mornings we feel strong and energetic. Other mornings we wake up feeling as though we've aged ten years overnight. Our balance changes, our flexibility changes, and our energy changes. What felt wonderful yesterday might feel completely different today.
I've experienced plenty of that myself.
And while it can be frustrating, yoga has helped me become more accepting of those changes. If my balance isn't particularly good today, I put my foot down and try again. If my hamstrings feel tight, I bend my knees. If I'm tired, I choose something gentler.
I wish I were always that reasonable about everything else in my life.
The Way We Talk to Ourselves Matters
Think about how quickly we criticize ourselves when things don't go as planned. We forget something and call ourselves stupid. We make a mistake and spend hours replaying it. We look at what someone else has accomplished and wonder why we haven't done the same.
And don't even get me started on the things we say about ourselves as we get older.
We notice things our bodies don't do quite as easily as they once did, and instead of appreciating all the things they still do, we focus on what's changed.
I don't know why we expect ourselves to remain exactly the same while simultaneously gaining years of experience and wisdom. Surely there's a trade-off somewhere in there.
We also spend a ridiculous amount of time comparing ourselves to other people, including some imaginary woman who apparently has unlimited energy, a perfectly organized house, a successful career, an impressive exercise routine, and time to make homemade bread.
I'd like to know how she manages her schedule.
I know I can be pretty hard on myself when it comes to getting things done. Between Big Raven Yoga, the farm, teaching, artwork, and all the other things I enjoy working on, my days can get pretty full. I love what I do, and I like being productive. But I can work all day, accomplish a tremendous amount, and still find myself thinking about the things I didn't finish.
Instead of appreciating what I accomplished, I focus on what's left.
I wouldn't treat a friend that way. If someone I cared about told me she'd worked hard all day but hadn't finished everything on her list, I'd probably tell her she'd done plenty and that tomorrow was another day.
But apparently, I don't always take my own advice.
A while back, I wrote a blog called Why You Need Daily Affirmations and Mantras, and How to Make Them Part of Your Life. In it, I shared a story about our daughter Georgia, who started surrounding herself with encouraging little notes when she was eleven years old and continued doing it as an adult.
I've always loved that she developed that habit so young.
That article was about the words we intentionally choose to encourage ourselves. But I think it's just as important to notice the things we say when we're frustrated or disappointed, especially when those comments have become such a habit that we barely hear ourselves making them.
There's a difference between saying, "I didn't do that very well," and saying, "I'm terrible at everything."
One describes what happened. The other makes it sound as though there's something wrong with you.
It's one of the reasons I think positive self-talk is worth practicing. Not because we need to convince ourselves that we're wonderful at everything, but because we can be honest about our limitations without being so darn hard on ourselves.
You can acknowledge a mistake without deciding you're a failure, and you can want to become stronger, healthier, or more capable while still appreciating who you are today.
You Can Have High Standards Without Being Hard on Yourself
I've known people who seem to believe that being hard on themselves is what keeps them motivated. If they stop pushing, criticizing, or demanding more, they're afraid they'll stop accomplishing things.
I don't agree.
I have high expectations for myself and for the businesses I run. I care about doing good work. I care about the experience people have when they attend a retreat at Big Raven Farm, and I care about the quality of the yoga mats we make at Big Raven Yoga. I'm not interested in lowering those standards.
But I'm also trying to get better at recognizing when I've done enough, and when something doesn't turn out perfectly, not spending more time beating myself up about it than I spent doing it in the first place.
I've watched this same thing happen with people who attend our creative retreats. Someone will arrive convinced she isn't artistic. She'll hesitate to start a project because she's worried about doing something wrong, or she'll compare her work to the person sitting next to her.
But once she gets involved and stops worrying so much about how it's going to turn out, she starts having fun. She experiments, makes adjustments, laughs when something goes wrong, and sometimes ends up creating something she never would have attempted on her own.
Those are some of my favorite moments.
And I wish more people would let themselves enjoy yoga the same way.
You don't have to be particularly good at something to enjoy doing it. You can take a class because you're curious. You can move your body because it feels good. You can spend an hour doing something that's entirely for you, without worrying about whether you're improving or accomplishing anything.
I'm finding that as I get older, I'm less interested in doing things because I'm supposed to and more interested in doing things because I enjoy them.
I'm also trying to get better at taking a break without feeling guilty about it, although I can't say I've completely mastered that one.
I think a lot of women can relate. We get very good at being dependable. We manage schedules, families, businesses, appointments, responsibilities, and a thousand little details that need attention. Then, when we finally have an opportunity to sit down, we start thinking about all the things we could be doing instead.
There's always another email, another project, another load of laundry, or something else that needs attention.
If we wait until everything is done before we allow ourselves to rest, we're going to be waiting a very long time.
A Few Words Worth Keeping Around
That brings me back to Words to Move By and a couple of the sayings I chose for the collection.
One of my favorites is "Bold. It Looks Good on You."
I love that because I think we spend far too much time talking ourselves out of things.
We decide we're too old, too inexperienced, too busy, or too out of shape. We worry about what people will think. We imagine all the ways something might not work out, and sometimes we convince ourselves not to try at all.
But being bold doesn't necessarily mean making some enormous life change.
Sometimes it means signing up for a class when you don't know anybody, trying something you've always wanted to learn, wearing something that makes you happy, or speaking up about an idea you've been keeping to yourself.
And sometimes being bold means being willing to be a beginner.
Another saying in the collection is about strong women taking time to rest.
I like that one just as much because I know how easy it is to feel that we have to earn our downtime by getting everything else done first.
And as I've already admitted, that's something I'm still working on.
I wanted the mats in this collection to be encouraging without being overly serious. Some of the sayings are thoughtful, some have a little attitude, and a few are just plain fun.
I hope they'll make you smile when you roll out your mat. Maybe one of them will be exactly what you needed to hear that day.
If you'd like to see what I've been working on, take a look at the new Words to Move By collection at Big Raven Yoga. I'd love to know which saying is your favorite.
You Don't Have to Be Good at Everything
I'm sure I'll still have days when I expect too much of myself, get frustrated with something that doesn't turn out the way I imagined, or spend more time thinking about what I didn't accomplish than what I did.
I have years of practice being a little too hard on myself, so I imagine it'll take some practice to change that.
But maybe the next time it happens, I'll remember all those people who've apologized to me during yoga class over the years.
I know they have nothing to apologize for. They're doing something good for themselves, they're learning, and they're allowed to have days when things don't go particularly well.
I need to remember that the same rules apply to me.
And maybe they apply to you, too.
The next time you find yourself apologizing for something you haven't learned yet, or criticizing yourself because you aren't as good at something as you think you ought to be, give yourself a break.
Take the class, try the project, lose your balance, and laugh about it if you feel like it. You can always try again.
You don't have to be good at everything, and you certainly don't have to be good at yoga.
You just have to be willing to give it a try.